Gossip Girl 4x11

Oh, my freakin’ Gossip Girl, the plot is spinning out of control! Paraphrasing Blair, the Juliet Express went off the rails and headed straight to Crazy Town. How much longer can this Cricket bear this drivel? Dan and Blair are trying to figure out what kind of sick retribution motivates that stalking Flatchester. But who to turn to for help in bringing her down? What about Gossip Girl herself? Juliet is merely an outsider to the Upper Eastside elite. Plus she posted that fake photo posing as Serena snorting up. Does GG even know it’s fake? Will she reply? Well, she does point them to Cornwall, Connecticut, where Serena went to boarding school after her previous bender. There they meet Damien (Jenny’s one time dope-pushing fling), who admits he sold a big batch of various drugs to Juliet recently. She’s a townie. And right when they walk out of the sorority house, she’s driving by and spots Dan and Blair talking to Damien. Anyway, Damien brings Dan and Blair to Juliet’s mother, who tells them about Juliet’s brother, Ben Donovan (her first husband’s last name), who taught at S’s boarding school. Oooohhh! Now we get it. She fell in love with him and he got into the slammer for misdemeanors with a minor! So, jealous Juliet is upset that S first had an affair with her brother Ben and then she was about to start another with her cousin Collin. The irony! There you have your retribution.

Meanwhile, Serena is still committed into the Rostroff Center. Lily and Eric are proud how strong she is. Jeez, wake up and smell the coffee: that dumb blonde got set up! She opens up to her therapist, providing us with some background information about her time in boarding school, how she fell in love with her teacher, while playing party hardy with the sorority girls. For his part, Damien fills us in with his recollections about his time there. Lovely how his flashbacks slide into those of Serena and back in the same over-saturated purple and golden hues. S never slept with her teacher, because Mr. Donovan was an honorable man who understood it wasn’t right – or at least understood the repercussions if he did. Try paying attention now, because your mind may wonder off to better and brighter places: Juliet decides to confront Serena with the truth; Ben warns Nate, who happens to be visiting his father in prison, that Serena is in danger; Juliet is able to sneak into the Rostroff Center, even though S is supposed not to have any visitors for three days; she tells S that Ben was accused of statutory rape and transporting a minor across state lines; an affidavit was signed in Serena’s name (that she has no knowledge of) detailing the crime; so brother Ben is serving time for a crime he did not commit; it was Lily who was behind it; but don’t try to understand how Lily thought it was all in their best interest to put an innocent man behind bars... It comes as no surprise that everything comes to blows again at another party. S walks into a Christmas cocktail at the van der Woodsen’s, with Juliet in tow. Dan and Blair are there, with Damien in tow. Nate, Eric and Rufus, too. Serena just blurts out in front of everyone that her mother is a selfish liar, who will destroy anyone who stands in her way – and then runs off. Who’s the dumb blonde now, Lily?