Modern Family 1x23

If you’ve watched every episode thus far, you’ll know that a Modern Family Hawaiian vacation is bound for failure. Phil’s like a kid in a candy store, with all the beautiful women around him in bikinis. He tells Clair she’s the prettiest white woman on Maui. She asks him if he’s checking out Gloria in the reflection in her sunglasses. He’s hoping to finally give her the honeymoon they never had, but for her this is rather a business trip – traveling with their kids. He takes her to the “adults only” swimming pool, abandoning their kids. Then hottie airhead Haley asks if she can hang with some other kids, and Phil convinces Clair to let go of her over-protective mother instinct. “Oh, god, that feels weird and good, all at once,” she says. “Yeah, I know,” Phil replies, “I was leaning up against that nozzle a minute ago.”

Meanwhile, Jay’s decided to get into better shape after his brother reminds him their father died at the same age Jay’s reached. So, he forgoes the double cheese burgers with fries and cheese fries. Gloria’s none too pleased about all the swimming and running, tennis and rowing. She thought that marrying an older man meant that she would get time to relax. For their part, Manny and Luke discover they’re the worst possible match as roommates. Manny folds everything neatly, and irons his linen jacket, while Luke jumps on his bed as he empties his bag. Then there’s Cam and Mitchell. Mitchell has planned all sorts of sight-seeing outings, but Cam’s had enough. He’d much rather sit by the pool with Lily and do nothing. It takes a whole team of attendants to get Mitchell to unwind, but when he gets a foot massage, he exclaims, “Sweet Lady Gaga, that’s good!” when it’s time for Jay’s birthday dinner, all goes amiss. Cam and Mitchell forget Lily in the elevator, Jay’s missing – trapped in a hammock after his back seized – and Haley’s vomiting in her room after getting drunk with the other kids. In the end, Phil gives Clair a small outdoor ceremony to renew their wedding vows. I’m surprised Phil didn’t say he got lei’d in Maui...