Modern Family 1x24

This is by far the best episode this season. It made me laugh – and it even made me cry a little. Clair has planned a Modern Family portrait down to the tee in every perfectionist detail. She was able to get the best photographer in town and everyone is going to stand in a single line descending down the stairs dressed in white. Before the photo shoot, though, Phil’s off to a Lakers game. He was supposed to go with Luke, but he has a school project due, so Phil takes Alex instead. Jay was supposed to go with Manny, but Luke’s school project involves interviewing someone who lived through the 60s, so Gloria comes with. Uh-oh! Phil and Gloria alone ... that can’t be good! His first foul: when Haley calls her mom that Phil’s on TV, Clair calls, Haley jokes to tell him she’s pregnant, but Phil ignores the call. Worse: when the Kiss Cam zooms in on Phil and Gloria, he awkwardly refuses, but Gloria puckers him right on the smacker! He’s mortified Clair is going to hurt him!

For his part, Jay is telling tall tales about the 60s after Luke fell asleep listening to his boring stories. Meanwhile, Mitchell stays at home with Lily when Cam is hired to sing “Ave Maria” at a wedding. The scene that ensues is slapstick hilarious! Mitchell is terrified by a pigeon that somehow got inside, but after hiding out in Lily’s room, he mans up and ends up trashing half the place! When it’s finally time for the family portrait, all goes afoul as everyone ends up screaming and flinging mud at each other! Happy times. Well, your Cricket has now watched the complete first season and still doesn’t really enjoy the series... There have been a few nice episodes, like this one, but the rest just seemed mediocre to me. Should I continue with the second season? Will it get better or stay more of the same?

Modern Family 1x23

If you’ve watched every episode thus far, you’ll know that a Modern Family Hawaiian vacation is bound for failure. Phil’s like a kid in a candy store, with all the beautiful women around him in bikinis. He tells Clair she’s the prettiest white woman on Maui. She asks him if he’s checking out Gloria in the reflection in her sunglasses. He’s hoping to finally give her the honeymoon they never had, but for her this is rather a business trip – traveling with their kids. He takes her to the “adults only” swimming pool, abandoning their kids. Then hottie airhead Haley asks if she can hang with some other kids, and Phil convinces Clair to let go of her over-protective mother instinct. “Oh, god, that feels weird and good, all at once,” she says. “Yeah, I know,” Phil replies, “I was leaning up against that nozzle a minute ago.”

Meanwhile, Jay’s decided to get into better shape after his brother reminds him their father died at the same age Jay’s reached. So, he forgoes the double cheese burgers with fries and cheese fries. Gloria’s none too pleased about all the swimming and running, tennis and rowing. She thought that marrying an older man meant that she would get time to relax. For their part, Manny and Luke discover they’re the worst possible match as roommates. Manny folds everything neatly, and irons his linen jacket, while Luke jumps on his bed as he empties his bag. Then there’s Cam and Mitchell. Mitchell has planned all sorts of sight-seeing outings, but Cam’s had enough. He’d much rather sit by the pool with Lily and do nothing. It takes a whole team of attendants to get Mitchell to unwind, but when he gets a foot massage, he exclaims, “Sweet Lady Gaga, that’s good!” when it’s time for Jay’s birthday dinner, all goes amiss. Cam and Mitchell forget Lily in the elevator, Jay’s missing – trapped in a hammock after his back seized – and Haley’s vomiting in her room after getting drunk with the other kids. In the end, Phil gives Clair a small outdoor ceremony to renew their wedding vows. I’m surprised Phil didn’t say he got lei’d in Maui...

Modern Family 1x22

If you have jitters about flying, this episode is just for you! Gloria takes Jay on a surprise trip to Hawai‘i for his birthday. He’s eager to spend a romantic vacation for two in Maui. Unfortunately for him she’s invited the whole family, sparing no expense – with his money. Jay gets more cranky by the minute. The more they talk about luaus, hikes up the volcano, helicopter rides, swimming with the dolphins, the more he needs that drink. “Could you make it a double? I’m traveling with my family.” When Mitchell arrives at the airport he realizes he forgot his ID, so he won’t be able to board the plane. He blames Cameron (how dare he!) and blames Phil for driving too slow on the ride back home to fetch his wallet. Then Clair gets a panic attack about flying, and blames Phil for abandoning her. For his part, Dylan got locked inside the Dunphy home and sets off the alarm, while Haley is unwittingly flirting with an 8th graders, much to Alex’ delight. Security believes Manny is a suspected terrorist and bring him in for questioning. If Gloria is his mother, then why is Manny flying back separately to Columbia? She planned to spent the last few days in Hawai‘i with Jay alone. “I could not love you any more than I do right now,” Jay sighs in relief. In the end, the whole family is reunited in time for take-off.

Modern Family 1x21

In this episode we get to see more of Phil’s father Frank Dunphy (Fred Willard). Can’t say the Cricket chirped cheeps cheerfully at that. He brings a dog that Clair fears she will be looking after, but Frank can’t part with the dog. How funny is that? Not. Over at Jay and Gloria’s Manny got scared witless after Jay took him unwittingly to a horror flick. Also not much to make me chuckle. Much more to my liking, Glamorous Cam gets to sub for the drummer in Dylan’s band. What a feast it is to see him behind the kit! Mitchell can’t believe his eyes or ears how good Cam is. A little too good, perhaps, as he shows off his chops in an endless drum solo. Now we know why he’s not in a band already. He hugs the spotlight – and who likes drum solos anyway? If it wasn’t for Cam I would have given up on this show altogether...

Modern Family 1x15

It’s a Modern Family Funky Valentines! “Aaawww!” Phil and Claire exclaim when they open each other’s Valentine’s cards. Yeah, this is a funny one! They decide to do something less humdrum this year, something more scandalous – they are going to spend the night at a hotel and engage in some role playing! Phil becomes smooth talking Clive Bixby, and Clair becomes the seductive Julianna. She excuses herself and upon her return hands him her dress, bra and panties. Wearing only her coat, they take it upstairs – except that her coat gets stuck in the escalator! Jay takes Gloria to stand-up comedian David Brenner. She’d rather go salsa dancing. But Brenner turns out funnier than she thought – especially when he starts making sport of ol’ Jay and his beautiful young wife. Jay dashes off out of embarrassment. When they are heading to salsa dancing instead, Jay and Gloria bump into Phil and Clair at the escalator, surrounded by people they know from work and school. Why can’t Clair just take off her coat? Gloria comes to the rescue giving Clair her own coat. Valentine’s Day is saved! Meanwhile, Mitchell’s romantic day is ruined when his client decides to settle his case and prevent him from delivering his rousing closing argument he has been rehearsing for weeks. As he and Cameron need to babysit Manny, Cam suggests going to Great Shakes where Manny’s love Fiona is on a date with this confident Durkas kid. Even after Manny tells her Durkas stole his Valentine’s poem and Mitchell delivers a rousing speech in support of the little man, Fiona still falls for Durkas – stealing a poem is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her!

Modern Family 1x20

Funniest line this episode: “One day I’m gonna be a grandfather and then everybody better hide their meat.” This coming out of Phil’s mouth. Plus the look on Cameron’s face! L0L (really)! Runner up: Cam crying “Awzbz iz bz, an’zbeelz judiz bsbs ... an’inz judiz, my gurl’zjees an’swushees!” Ahahaha! The Cricket loves this one. Cameron is teetering on the verge of a nervous breakdown because he misses being with Lily and being a trophy wife, since he had to take a temporary job now that Mitchell quit his job. The thing, of course, is that Mitchell is the complete opposite and can’t wait to go back to work and interact with grown-ups, but doesn’t have the heart to tell Cam. Mitchell loves Lily more than life, but staying at home drives him to despair. He’s already plotting the death of Dora the Explorer! Then Jay tells Mitchell to call one of his filthy rich golf buddies, Charlie Bingham (Justin Kirk from Angels in America and Weeds), who is looking for a lawyer. More hilarity ensues, but Mitchell does end up getting the job! For their part Jay and Phil are bickering over who would be a better coach for Luke and Manny’s basketball team. The previous coach (Eric Lang from Lost and Weeds) was verbally abusive. Not that it matters, neither Jay or Phil can do much about the pathetic Li’l Dribbblers... Meanwhile Clair and Gloria bond over the fact that their kids are too embarrassed to be seen with them. They babysit little Lily, buy her clothes, and eat ice cream. If only all episodes could be of this caliber!

Modern Family 1x19

It’s Phil’s birthday and Claire wants to make it extra special. It’s like Steve Jobs and God got together to say they love Phil, because the first ever iPad comes out on the day of his birthday. So, instead of letting her husband wait in line for his new toy, Clair offers to go instead. You can see it coming from a mile ahead that she isn’t going to make it – and her antics to make up for her mistakes are not particularly funny either. In his disappointment, Phil storms off to the batting cage. Then he hears an announcement for “Phil’s Birthday Party” ... different Phil. In the end, Luke saves the day by e-mailing some of his father’s online buddies telling them Phil is dying and his last wish is to have an iPad. Over at Jay’s house, Manny and Gloria are trying to hide that they are excellent chess players, because Jay is such a sore loser. For his part, Cam is listening in over the baby monitor on their neighbor’s marital foibles, while Mitchell wants to take up some self-defense lessons. Sorry, friends, but this isn’t making the Cricket chirpy.

Modern Family 1x18

There are two possibilities: either the Cricket is starting to really like Modern Family, or this is the best episode thus far, because I don’t remember laughing out loud this much watching the show before. Over at the Dunphy residence Clair and Phil have chores with Haley and Luke respectively. Phil needs to make sure that his son finishes his project on Vincent van Gogh, but gets distracted by a chair he wants to repair, then notices a flickering tube light he tries to fix, thus finding his long-lost sunglasses, and in the process knocking about half the contents off the garage shelves. Hottie Haley ain’t no dummy and tricks her mother into baking cupcakes without her help. Then, what do you know? Little Luke surprises everyone by presenting his very own poster board. Clair is baffled that Phil was right, that they should trust their children more, rather than trying to micromanage everything. She throws out the cupcakes and tells her daughter to make them herself. Consternation is written all over Haley’s face!

Meanwhile, Mitchell made plans to watch a meteor shower with his father, the only interest they share. Their bonding moment doesn’t go as Mitchell hoped, as Jay brought Manny along for the stargazing, who mocks and zings him with delighted gusto. More hilarity ensues when Mitchell gets sprayed by a skunk and has to don one of Gloria’s dresses. For his part, Cameron wants to patch up things with gorgeous Gloria after he ridiculed that Columbian lady and her little Brown man – though he was merely deriding Ivy Leaguers, it all came out wrong. Although Cam has made reservations at a fancy restaurant, Gloria rather goes to some Latina dive in her old neighborhood. Obviously he orders the most spicy dish on the menu, not to be outdone by his sweet thing. They remain my two most favorite characters – and their scenes together are adorable – but the antics of Clair and Phil really made me roar with laughter!

Modern Family 1x17

Truth Be Told, Modern Family has its funny moments. “Alex has cello lesson at eleven and junior congress at noon,” says Clair. “Doesn’t she also have no boyfriends at forever,” Haley chides in while powdering her cheeks. “Don’t you have an eating disorder you need to attend to,” Alex retorts. Now, that’s funny! They’re trying to plan movie night, but Phil can’t make it because he’s seeing his ex-girlfriend Denise. Haley is grossed out by the idea of her father with a woman, Luke is surprised his father had another woman before Clair, and Phil brags he had plenty fun in his time, “and then I met your mom.” “And thank you Phil,” Clair resigns. Naturally Clair doesn’t trust that recently Denise has no ulterior motives. “Women in their 30’s on the internet are like Ninjas. They get in their little, black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage,” she reasons. To prove her wrong, Phil invites her over to the house, instead of going the romantic French place Denise had suggested. As long as Clair is in the room, Denise seems harmful enough, but the moment she’s alone with him, she is all over Phil. The look on his face when she hands him her hotel room keycard! Priceless! Now he ponders how many more of his 447 Facebook friends he has been unwittingly flirting with. Things get all uncomfortable again, and Denise has to make a hasty exit.

Meanwhile, Jay tries to console Manny that he lost a part in the school play by hanging a picture in his room. Accidentally he kills Manny’s turtle. Rather than admitting, Jay fakes a crime scene to lay blame on a hungry raccoon. Gloria doesn’t buy it for a minute. “I’m Columbian. I know a fake crime scene when I see one!” she exclaims. Eventually Jay caves in and tells Manny what happened. Since they’re on the topic, Manny wants to tell Jay about that scratch on his Jay. Jay tells him he already knows: it was a raccoon. For his part, Mitchell quit his job at the law office after missing out on too many moments in Lily’s life because his boss is requiring him to work overtime – even on the weekends. “If my daughter can stand up then so can I,” are his parting words. He feels liberated, tingly, his heart is pounding. He has a panic attack. Yup, funny stuff!

Modern Family 1x16

What is a Modern Family most afraid of? Alex: global warming and getting a B. Clair: the phone ringing in the middle of the night. Phil: job interviews. Jay: pigeons – ’cause they’re shifty. Cam: losing Mitchell. Mitchell: hotel bed spreads. Haley: never getting a driver’s license – or getting one, but the picture sucks. Manny: dying alone. Yes, yes, the Cricket admits: this show is growing on me! Haley really is petrified she will fail her driving test. To make it worse, she gets the same instructor who failed her twice before. He’s able to calm her nerves and she finally passes the test. For her part, Alex wants to dodge the school ball because she thinks its lame – and because she’s afraid no one will ask her to dance. Clair convinces her to go and she does end up dancing at the ball. Then there’s Phil, who’s afraid of small, dark spaces. When Luke wants to go treasure hunter under the house, Phil turns a remote-controlled toy truck into a Mars Rover, so he won’t have to go inside the crawlspace. Naturally, the truck rolls over, Luke gets stuck, and Phil has no other choice than to crawl inside and save the day. He pronounces himself a hero.

Meanwhile, Manny doesn’t want to go to a party at an amusement park, because he’s scared of roller-coasters. Gloria offers to take him on a fishing trip off the pier. This, of course, was a diversion, as there’s a roller-coaster at the pier as well. Turns out, Jay is scared of them, too. But when Gloria decides to take the helter-skelter by herself, the two men can’t stand by idly. They overcome their fear, but by Jay’s pale face, I’d say, only by the skin of his teeth. Cameron has invited Lily’s Asian-American pediatrician, lovely Dr. Miura (Suzy Nakamura), over for brunch. A gay father’s worst nightmare happens when Lily utters her first word at the table: “Mommy”! Cameron is sure this is because Lily was raised by Vietnamese nurses before they adopted her, and Dr. Miura is, well, Asian, too. Plus, Mitchell believes it’s because Dr. Miura has, you know, breasts. OMG, these guys are hilarious! She tries to reassure them, but Lily repeats the M word, just to rub it in. She tells them Lily is the luckiest little girl having two caring fathers – and that mother’s aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be. But in the end they find that Lily simply picked up the M word from her new doll that says “mommy” when you squeeze its belly. “The doll says ‘mommy’!” they exclaim in excitement, hugging and dancing. They’re the happiest guys on earth!

Modern Family 1x14

Clair has lunch with an old friend from work she hasn’t seen in fifteen years. At first she believes Valerie (Minnie Driver) is secretly jealous of her family life – despite the fact that Valerie has a stellar career and multiple lovers in various cities. But in reality Valerie came to gloat about her upcoming promotion – and to rub it in she tells Claire she would have gotten the job if she hadn’t chosen for Phil the Thrill. It’s Clair who is secretly jealous. It’s all awkwardly uncomfortable.

In other news, Haley breaks up with Dylan because he went to an Anne Hathaway movie with another girl, while Luke and Alex are collecting bottles for charity. “What’s Jägermeister?” Alex asks innocuously. “Uhm, well,” Phil begins, “you know how in a fairy tale there’s always a potion? That makes the princess falls asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that. Except you don’t wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.” How’s that for a G-rated explanation? Ahahahah! Meanwhile Cameron has challenged Jay to a game of squash (moon landing included), while Gloria is trying to convince Mitchell it was not her fault she got into a little car accident (so he can help her with the legal issues). Well, this one wasn’t so bad. Still, the Cricket is no big fan, not yet.

Modern Family 1x13

Okay, so finally another funny episode. 13 must be my lucky number or something. “Can people change?” That’s the theme question this time. Claire is furious about all the high tech equipment Phil is bringing home. She cannot even work the remote. She challenges him to teach Haley how to use it. “I know this seems impossible,” he tells his airhead daughter, “but this is for all those times mom told you she was right and you knew she was wrong.” And Haley is game! For his part, Manny is stoked he found a date at his online book club. To everyone’s consternation she turns out to be a lot older. She’s a bit of a grey mouse. So Gloria decides to give her a makeover. When Cameron drops in, he compliments the woman on her dress, hairdo, and the book she’s reading. She thinks she’s met the man of her life. She better think again.

Meanwhile, Mitchell cannot believe his father still has issues with his homosexuality. He confronts Jay and teases him that one of his friends (Chazz Palminteri) is gay, too. “My gaydar is never wrong and it’s pining like we’re at a bathhouse.” When Jay encourages his friend to share his secret, Shorty admits he is twenty grants in debt, and could Jay please help him out. Payback! The best part is, though Shorty denies he’s gay, he dresses well, loves to dance, enjoys men’s company, and got Jay tickets to see Michael Bublé and have a little picnic. Then a guy passes by who looks like a slimmer version of Ben Stiller, “Hey, handsome, who does your hair?” No, Shorty is damn straight! Ahahahah!

Modern Family 1x10

It’s Modern Family Christmas Eve! Just when Phil is skyping with his father, Claire notices a cigarette burn on the couch. Phil threatens to cancel Christmas if no one confesses. Since none of the kids caused the burn, he has to follow through and takes the tree out. The kids scheme to get Christmas back. Luke’s attempt falls through, but Alex’ confession has her parents all eager to get the festivities back on track. With the whole family opening presents under the tree, the couch starts burning again. It’s the sunlight filtered through a crystal ornament in the tree. The girls call on Phil for calling them liars. He tries to dig his way out, deflecting the confrontation, and offers to make it up to them ... with a trip ... to Italy! What a doofus!

For their part, Mitchell and Cameron learn a lesson about forgiveness from an un-fat Santa. They were standing in line to have Lily’s picture taken with Santa at the mall when the a-cappella carol group that ousted Cameron last year steps up in his face. Once on the parking lot, the un-fat Santa helps them packing up all their presents. He got fired because people complained he wasn’t fat enough. They feel guilty and invite him over when they realize he is unemployed and living in his car. After dinner, the carolers show up and Cameron is livid. Un-fat Santa pleads forgiveness, just as he forgave them for getting him fired. Cameron agrees and says a few nice words to the singer. “Even your apology is off-key,” the new leader says – and PAT! un-fat Santa punched his lights out. “You were nice, he was naughty,” he explains as he walks away into the night.

Meanwhile, Manny is complaining that his stepdad won’t allow any of their Columbian traditions in his house, like pulling pranks, fireworks and Columbian food. Jay is a stickler for traditions, everything has to go by his book by the hour. When he drops off the presents for Mitchell and Cameron, he complains about Manny. The guys encourage him this is his chance to establish new traditions with his new wife and son to cherish and remember. Jay takes it to heart, pulls a good prank on Manny, and lights up some fireworks at the end of the night. Aww, how sweet! A lovely episode, with some good laughs. Cameron has become my favorite family member. He is totally adorable.

Modern Family 1x12

Really, there was only one bit in this episode that gave me a chuckle – and that was when Gloria caught Jay holding hands with his dog-headed butler doll Barkley before a priest. The rest was either just a trifle too annoying or uncomfortably awkward, or just plain boring.

Modern Family 1x11

Jay doesn’t like Manny’s father, Javier, Gloria’s ex. “I don’t like the guy,” he explains. “Do I have reasons? Yeah. Good reasons? Yeah! How many reasons do I need? None. I don’t like the guy!” Jay’s funny! He doesn’t understand how Gloria could fall for his suave moves, and he resents the fact that Javier lets his son down so often. But late at night, the guys bond, talking about pool, motor bikes, and baseball. Before you know it, Javier has charmed Jay. Of course, gorgeous Gloria is furious! When swanky no-show stood up Jay, he’s learned his lesson. The story of Phil suffering from a kidney stone, with Claire jumping into a sexy outfit when they call 911, is the kind of awkward stuff I can’t appreciate. For their part Mitchell and Cameron are up all night, not so much because baby Lily is crying, but because they are arguing whether to ferberize her or not (i.e., letting her cry until she falls asleep rather than comforting her every minute of the night). Also not funny.

Modern Family 1x09

This is the episode in which we are introduced to the Great Fizbo! Who is he? It’s Cameron the Clown, who we learn is a trained Auguste clown. It’s Luke’s birthday and since the whole family is going to be together for Thanksgiving, Claire and Phil decide to pull all the stops this year. Phil gets a climbing wall, bounce house, snow-cone machine, balloons, you name it. Meanwhile, Jay and Gloria encourage Manny to approach a girl he likes, but she has eyes only for Haley’s boyfriend Dylan. For his part Dylan is more interested in “Jungle Tanya,” the animal trainer who’s entertaining the kids with chameleons and snakes. No one flirts with Haley’s man, of course, so she jealously releases jungle girl’s scorpion. The ensuing hilarity gave me some hearty chuckles – even if the slapstick was rather stiff. Floppy Fizbo runs for cover, freaking out Phil, who like any sane person is scared of clowns and bumps into Jay, who was just showing Luke how to use the crossbow he gave him for his birthday, which sets of an accidental arrow into the bounce house, which traps Manny’s girl inside, but as a true man of action Manny saves the day – except that Luke tripped over the beads spilled from Claire’s arts-and-crafts table and breaks his arm.

Modern Family 1x08

At the Dunphy residence it’s Phil and Clair’s wedding anniversary. Phil is stoked to cover Clair in presents, but Clair only got him self-made coupons for free hugs. She’s so embarrassed that she pretends the coupons were only the beginning. She manages to get some guy from Spandau Ballet (guest star Edward Norton) to perform for Phil at their home. “Phil loves Spandau Ballet. That song ‘True’ was playing in the car the first time we kissed. It’s our song,” Clair enthuses to the audience. “I never liked Spandau Ballet,” Phil confesses on the couch when his wife isn’t listening, “Our entire marriage, I never once mentioned Spandau Ballet. Am I even pronouncing that right?” Bonus point for Phil and penalty point for Clair. How can she not know what to get her husband?

Meanwhile Jay has his grandchildren over for a sleepover with all the usual family traditions. They have Sloppy Jays, “which is really Sloppy Joes, made by Jay,” and watch western movies. Pretty girl Haley obviously would rather spend the night with her boy Dylan at the party three blocks away. Jay has been there before with Clair, so he anticipates all her moves and even catches Dylan in the bushes. He loves westerns and rather skip the party. Poor Haley. For their part Mitchell and Cameron left Lily with Gloria, so they can have a night out with another adult, their wild friend Sal (guest star Elizabeth Banks). Sal’s all boobs and laughter all the time, until they mention Lily. She thinks they should kill her. Okay, I’ll admit, this one was worth a few chuckles.

Modern Family 1x07

After the previous episode, this one felt a little lame – back to the awkwardness, the incongruous couch talk in between scenes, and especially the ham-fisted “coolness” fail of son-in-law Phil. The main story revolves around Manny’s sudden brush with success at fencing. Everyone is cheering until he’s faced with a girl in the finals. He wants to bow out gracefully, but Gloria and Jay want none of it, until they hear the girl is an orphan, her father died in Afghanistan, she lives in a children’s hospital, and has diabetes... Meanwhile, Mitchell and Claire are on ice, bummed that Jay was never this proud of them – and of course Clair’s kids aren’t particularly excellent at anything, certainly not airhead Haley or lumbering Luke. Mitch blames his sister for quitting their figure skating duo back in the day. She claims she did it to keep him from disgracing himself, but he remembers it was the last time he felt like part of her team. Honestly, I can’t say I enjoyed this much.

Modern Family 1x06

It’s the first day of school for our modern family. It’s all nervous energy as Clair is preparing breakfast and lunch, Haley is worried her friends are going to think she is dating a 40-year old who’s not even cute if her driving instructor is going to pick her up from school, Luke never made his summer assignment, and Alex has trouble dragging all her things to school. She explains that cellists are in more demand in university orchestras. “You know what’s not in demand?” Haley chides, “Girls in university orchestras.” For his part, Phil believes he knows it all: first day of school is tough for stay at home moms, with the kids gone, the nest is empty. But Phil listens, with his mind. So he took the day off to keep her company, although she just wants to catch up on some reading. “If you listen,” Phil explains,” women will tell you what they want by telling you the opposite of what they want.” Wise words, indeed. Before you know it he feels Clair is challenging him for a 2-mile run. “You think I can’t keep up with you?” – “I think you can’t keep up with this conversation.” And it’s on! As expected, Phil has a hard time keeping up with Clair – and then she realizes the first day of school is hard for all her kids, including the one she married. She lets him win and right when he’s basking in his glory, Haley slams her driving instructor’s car into her father, making him fly over the car. “I’m good. I’m good!” Phil shouts, while Haley looks on in horror.

Meanwhile, Manny wants to wear his traditional Colombian poncho to school to show the kids he is proud of his cultural heritage. After Jay returns from dropping him off, Gloria notices the poncho’s still in the car. She convinces Jay to go back and support Manny. Then Manny pulls out his pan-flute – and Gloria begs Jay to break the flute. “The poncho by itself is fine,” she says, “The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance? My son will die a virgin.” Little Lily of course is too young for school, but Cameron is dressing her up as various pop icons for his photo shoots. Mitchell’s more concerned about baby-proofing all the pointy objects around the house. Cameron tells his to stop worrying and just dance with their baby. But when he does, Mitchell bumps Lily’s head on the door jam. Much comedy ensues in their panic. Plus there’s a nice guest bit for Suzy Nakamura. Actually, unless it’s the alcohol talking, I thought this episode was quite hilarious. No, seriously, I watched it three times.

Modern Family 1x05

When the whole Modern Family is coming over, you know things are going to get awkward. Jay’s upset Gloria invited the family for some barbeque, because the Ohio State game is on. Turns out Cameron used to be a starting offensive lineman at the University of Illinois, who are playing against the Buckeyes. Mitchell doesn’t like football, but is pressured into making an effort enjoying his partner’s interests. But before the get together, Claire and Phil are called to school as Luke got into a fight. As they arrive in the principal’s office, they find Jay and Gloria there already. There was some name-calling and shoving. Manny keeps calling Luke his nephew, because, well, technically he’s his uncle. Even the principal is confused. Thing is, it brings out the tension between Claire and Gloria. At the gathering, the boys make up, with a good smack on the head by Jay. But the girls, well, they have some unresolved issues. They try to talk, but Phil keeps interrupting with his dorkish cool phrases. “Wow, powerful, powerful stuff,” he intones all seriously, when Gloria admits she feels that Claire doesn’t like her. When things improve, he smiles, “I’m feeling a hug” – he’s thinking group hug (anything to feel Gloria up).

Then it’s dinner time, Luke and Manny are joking around with each other. “I made fun of his mom, because she used to dig coal,” Luke says. “What?” Gloria asks angrily. “Who said I’m a coal digger?” “That’s what my mom told me,” Luke answers. Oh-oh. “It was all in my head, huh?” Gloria tells Claire. Tension’s mounting again. Claire confesses it was only a natural assumption to make, such a beautiful young woman marrying Jay. Phil jumps on the opportunity to talk to Gloria alone. In her anger, she starts throwing her colorful panties around, to make the point she doesn’t need all these things to love Jay. Clair walks in, wondering why her husband is covered in Gloria’s underwear, he leaves and the girls talk it over. To get even, though, Gloria wants Claire to embarrass herself in front of the family – by jumping in the pool with her clothes on, then she’ll know she’s sorry. Letting bygones be bygones, everybody ends up in the pool. Yes, I’m starting to get into this. I actually got a few good laughs here.