Californication 4x12

Easily the best episode of the season, perhaps of the entire series thus far. After all the hoopla about Hank Moody unwittingly having sex with an overly eager underage Mia, it’s time to wrap things up. The judge reads her sentence, explaining how Hank has been a tragic disappointment, behaving like an animal and living in flagrant defiance of the rules of society. He is found guilty of statutory rape, but, she continues, the real crime not one of moral turpitude, but that Hank seems committed to squandering his gifts and wasting what appears to be a rewarding life. She sentences him to three years. Hank passes out. When he comes to, on the courtroom floor with Abby lunging over him, he asks “I got three years, didn’t I?” “Yes you did,” Abby replies, “Probation.” He kisses her – the scene cuts to her bedroom ... And Justice for All (a reference to Metallica’s 1988 album). Let’s read between the lines, and notice how Hank Moody is portrayed as an immoral misfit, rather than a conscientious non-conformist, an animal living by no rules, rather than an intelligent artist deciding not to abide by the standards of society.

The next day Stu Beggs has a party celebrating that Fucking & Punching is going into production. Hank brings Abby, to Karen’s dismay. While she brings handsome Ben, to Hank’s dismay. Sasha is there, with a new boy toy in tow. Eddie Nero, too. Of course Marcy is there, and Runkle brings crazy kinky Peggy. How could this not go wrong? It starts out awkward and it only gets worse. Jealous tension is rife. Nero tosses some oil on the fire. Things get out of hand. Peggy asks Runkle if he still loves Marcy, and he wholeheartedly confesses that he has been and always will be in love with Marcy. Marcy admits she’s carrying Charlie’s baby – not Stu’s. Peggy slams a knife in Runkle’s hand. Cat fight! Hank and Stu hold back Marcy, while Nero starts making out with psycho Peggy. And this is why the Cricket still loves this show. The only question is: what is going to happen next season, or, how will Californication continue entertaining us, with everything wrapped up so nicely. Towards the end Becca says that a chapter has been closed. It rather feels we’re moving on to another book.

Californication 4x11

“Novelist Moody Found Guilty in Lolita Rape Case.” That’s the headline news Karen reads on her iMac after the jury read their verdict. Imagine! “Well, that happened,” Hank sighs, asking Abby, “What do we do now?” “Let’s go get shitfaced,” she replies. Next scene we’re back in Hank’s dream that started off the whole series four years ago: getting a blow job in church from a nun who advises him to drive off as fast as he can even if that means he has to steal a car. When he wakes up, he’s in bed with Abby. He tries sneaking out, but she stops him. They still don’t know what he’ll be facing: prison or probation. Instead of heading to Karen and Becca, he knocks on Charlie’s door, meeting his kinky real estate agent Peggy, who immediately whispers in Runkle’s ear she wants to play home invasion rape with Hank. When he finally picks up Becca from school, she blames him for being selfish, for always evading reality, and for being so proud to be cool. She’d rather have a boring, normal dad, who’d be there for her.

He drops her off and returns to his hotel lobby. There he spots an old acquaintance, hooker Trixie, with whom he finds some solace. Then he slips into another dream, in boring 1950’s black & white, of his live as a regular joe. Comes nighttime, he’s about to hit the highway in his newly purchased Porsche (with royalties for his novel Slowly We Rot – a reference to the debut album of Florida death metal act Obituary) – when Marcy calls with some bogus excuse to lure him over to Karen’s: Surprise! “We wanted to throw you a ‘Hank is Innocent’ party, but we had to work with what you gave us,” Runkle chuckles. They have the sweetest time, reminiscing how things were better once, in happier times, when the four of them were still two loving couples, and Becca wanted to grow up fast, because they made it look like so much fun. It’s a beautiful moment, and small wonder it takes up about a third of the episode, for it gives emotional depth to the story – and a nice reward for sitting through some of the flirty fluff and moral ambivalence: this scene gives the whole season a human heart.

Californication 4x10

Certainly the Cricket could be criticized for being cynical, but I find the main story arc of Californication a tad too melodramatic. Yes, I understand that Karen isn’t too happy that the man who claims to love her slept with an under-aged girl who happened to be the daughter of her fiancé at the time. But she knows Hank, he cannot refuse temptation, yet he did not rape Mia. By all accounts she seduced him. I did enjoy the in-joke, though, when Hank is getting ready for court, looking in the mirror combing his hair saying, “I look like a fucking FBI Agent.” (Get it?) In court, the prosecution first asks Charlie Runkle as witness. Not good. The man is so nervous, all he does is talk about Hank’s sexcapades. Hank finds the stories funny, but meanwhile the jury is painted a picture of a promiscuous, immoral asshole bent on self-destruction. The prosecution also wishes to insinuate that Hank slept with Mia to take revenge on Karen’s fiancé Bill Lewis. When Karen is asked to testify, Abby nicely sums up her relationship with Hank: she broke up with him, to move in with Bill, then she abandoned Bill at the altar to move back in with Hank; she threw him out when she thought he got another woman pregnant, left for New York without her daughter, came back to play house some more; then broke off with Hank yet again when he was accused of statutory rape. Ouch.

When it’s time for recess, there’s no cause for celebration yet, but there’s no reason to worry either. Then the prosecution calls William Lewis, who testifies that Hank had in fact met Mia the day before he slept with her. Bad news for the defendant. He is certain Hank seduced her to spite him. But when Mia comes to the stand she assures the jury that Hank had no recollection of their first meeting: he was drunk and sick, moved in and out of sleep. She also confesses that she was deliberately looking for trouble, resenting the fact that her father had jumped into a new relationship so soon after her mother’s death, plus the fact that he was hardly ever home. She appreciated Karen’s attempts to be there for her, but she wouldn’t listen. She met Hank at the book store and seduced him. Abby is livid: the seed of doubt has been planted among the jury. Karen is beyond anger and doesn’t even want to speak to Hank. The Fuck Up himself doesn’t know what just hit him. Perhaps it’s a testament to the series that we still sympathize with him, or maybe I just don’t see what the big deal is all about. It’s not like Hank did it on purpose. We will have to wait at least another week until we hear the jury’s verdict.

Californication 4x09

After a pep talk with Abby Rhodes, Hank returns to his hotel room, only to find he is locked out because his credit card declined his bill of a meager $25,000. Instead of knocking on someone’s door or finding a floozy to go home with, he sleeps in his Porsche in front of Karen’s house. In the morning, with bird poo on his shirt, Becca finds him and asks him in. They actually manage to get over the awkwardness and have a nice day together – almost like a family – teaching Becca to drive. Then it’s evening time, and handsome Ben is stopping by to drop off Pearl and pick up Karen. Hank gets bitter, fails to make a decent meal for the girls, and can’t connect with Pearl. He falls asleep, they nick his car keys and sneak out. When the girls crash the Porsche, without hurting anyone, Ben is livid, but both Becca and Karen stand up for Hank that the girls would have tried the same if it had been Karen who dozed off. Could this be the end of Ben? Let’s hope so.

Meanwhile, Runkle continues his freaky affair with the real estate agent Peggy, pretending to be siblings and acting rough between the sheets. Marcy still has not told Stu that she isn’t carrying his child, but Runkle’s. For his part, Stu asks Marcy to invite Runkle for dinner – plus one is okay – in an effort to behave as adults, while setting Marcy up to rub the joyous news. Marcy is stunned that Runkle is dating their real estate agent, but he points out the hypocrisy in that: she’s the one who has already moved in with one of the richest producers in town; he is just enjoying being single. At the dinner table Stu regales his guests with Hollywood stories, while Marcy keeps dodging his cues to tell Runkle about her pregnancy. She pours a glass of wine for courage and Stu yells, “the baby!” Runkle pretends to be unfazed and happy for Marcy, but can’t help notice it’s a little soon, since they only know each other for six weeks. Back in Runkle’s car, Peggy acts jealous of Runkle’s affection for Marcy, but ends up going down on him anyway. “Another Perfect Day,” as per the episode’s title.

Californication 4x08

Runkle has some good news for Hank: now that Eddie Nero (Rob Lowe) is on board, Sasha Bingham (Addison Timlin) is willing to return to the project, too. She also has a job for him making fast cash rewriting her current script for some blockbuster zombie sequel. But Hank gets called away by Pearl (Zoë Kravitz), that Becca is skipping class to get drunk and high and giving blow jobs with the Queens of Dogtown. When he finally returns to the hotel at the end of the day, he meets a beautiful woman at the bar (Callie Thorne, who we saw in Burn Notice), with daughter issues of her own. The morning after, he learns in the most unpleasant, nutcracking way that her daughter is none other than Sasha herself. Meanwhile, Marcy cannot make up her mind whether to terminate her pregnancy or what to do with Stu. When she tells him she’s expecting, he gets overjoyed thinking he is finally becoming a father. For his part, Runkle gets a house call from a real estate agent, who immediately invites him to treat her rough in the bedroom. In the lasts scene, Tommy Lee is singing “Home Sweet Home” in the hotel bar... Could it be that Hank can patch things up with Karen and go back home?

Californication 4x07

This was an episode full of fart jokes, involuntary bowel movements, urinating on the golf course, and genital mishaps. Hank remains painfully jealous of Karen’s newfound friendship with handsome Ben, father of the Queens of Dogtown’s lead vocalist. Meanwhile he has just bedded his former attorney Abby, who decides it would be unethical to represent him in court. She thus introduces him to her senior partner, a bore of an old fart himself, who takes Hank golfing – where Hank’s aforementioned urination fails to charm. For his part, Stu asks Runkle’s help pitching a TV show for his soon-to-be ex Marcy – a talk show about her experience waxing the stars. Stu’s jitters offer more potty jokes, Marcy stumbles over her own words. It’s Runkle who steps up the plate and impresses the execs with his pitch about “Nicole’s” winter bush. In the end, Hank and Ben both attend an acoustic show of their daughters, with Karen in the middle holding both their hands under the table. It’s time for her to chose.

Californication 4x06

If things seemed to be improving for Hank Moody, you just know they are going to take a turn for the worse soon. He had another uh-oh moment, caught in bed with Mia as well as Sasha, and both had their hands in his pants. Some douchebag snapped a photo and now it’s all over the web. His attorney Abby Rhoads (yeah, that’s her full name, heheh) drops him as her client. If that’s not bad enough, sassy Sasha drops out of the movie to avoid all the scandal, which the dirty little hypocrite brought on Hank to begin with! Runkle takes a reluctant Hank to see Eddie Nero, who wants to hang with the anti-hero to better portray him in the movie. (Rob Lowe does his best Brad Pitt circa 12 Monkeys.) When Becca gets into trouble for not paying at a tattoo parlor with the Queens of Dogtown, Nero pulls a gun, Hank punches him out, everyone has a laugh, and Nero commits himself to the movie. For her part, Marcy gets a house call for a full on bikini wax only to find out it’s producer Stu Beggs continuing to court her. Although she finds him rather repugnant, they bond over his vast film collection and watch Urban Cowboy in his screening room. Meanwhile, Karen visits Abby hoping to convince her to take Hank back. At the end of the night, Abby’s waiting for Hank in the hotel bar, they take it upstairs and Hank finally gets to spend the night with her.

Californication 4x05

Things miraculously start to improve for Hank Moody. Mia gave a testimony in court that so clearly exculpates him, her case is bound for a settlement. Hank feels so celebratory he invites his attorney Abby for a dinner date. The irony, of course, is that Hank is feverishly jealous just by the idea that someone may be flirting with Karen, but he can’t stop himself from trying to talk women into bed. His date gets interrupted by a text message from Karen that Becca has her first show (opening for Zakk Wylde’s Black Label Society) with the Queens of Dogtown. Awkwardness ensues when handsome Ben happens to be there, too. Well, his daughter (Zoë Kravitz) is the band’s lead singer. Meanwhile Marcy is still freaking out not knowing who’s the father of her baby, but sure it can’t be Charlie’s. For his part, Runkle is manscaping his stuff – although his head is bald, downunder he’s got bush – and accidentally cuts himself. He forces Marcy to take him to the hospital where he gets the same sarcastic doctor who treated Hank after he OD’ed. Turns out Charlie had his vasectomy done by some quack who recently had his license revoked. So, Marcy may very well be pregnant with Runkle’s child! Hank is upset that he didn’t get to sleep with Abby, and even more hurt that handsome Ben is hitting on the love of his life, that he goes back to his hotel room to get drunk. Then Sasha knocks on his door. She’s been hanging out with Mia, who’s now sitting on the ledge of her balcony contemplating to jump. It’s a nice scene how Hank talks her out of it, first by identifying with her – he too would like to end the pain – but then convincing her they should forgive themselves. He should talk: he’s a fuck up with a capital F U!

Californication 4x04

Hank has finished the script for the movie adaption of his novel, and Runkle is so excited he could pleasure himself. They have a meet and greet with Stu and Zig (resp. the producer and a potential investor). Things start to go from weird and wonderful to bizarre and brutal when Zig invites them to his mansion for a reading of some scenes. Zig, too, gets overly excited and starts to give a face ride to one of his sister-wives – and then excuses himself as the sister-wives continue making out on the couch. Hank and Stu are too high, but Runkle gladly takes one of the sisters for a ride – except that she is distracted by Zig’s pet monkey. When it starts throwing its feces, Runkle tries hitting it, gets bitten, tries to shake the monkey off his arm and kills it as it flies through the room. The sister shrieks hysterically and accuses him of murder. Although Stu has a serious case of the giggles, he demands that Runkle apologizes to Zig to save the deal. Hank finds the investor hanging on the bathroom door: death by auto-erotic asphyxiation. Not much later Runkle gets tased by a police officer, Hank punches him out. Hank then hits on his attorney who agrees to handle the mess and keep it out of the tabloids. None of this phases Hank one bit, but when he drops off Runkle he spots Karen flirting with another man. That hurts Hank every which way.

Californication 4x03

Hank wakes up in the hospital after OD-ing. The youngish doctor gives him a hilarious antithesis of a lecture. Then Karen walks in. I love that woman, and feel Hank’s pain. What a beautiful moment! She takes him home, lets him sleep in her bed, and admits she was scared witless when she thought he would die. How she makes me cry. Honestly! (The Cricket’s a sucker for romance.) For his part Runkle has to speed Hank up on getting the script ready. Producer Stu Beggs is practically stalking Runkle for it. Stu’s also hitting hard on Marcy – and can you blame him? In return he offers Runkle one hell of a hottie, in the shapely person of his development girl, sweet Heather (Camille Chen). When Hank finally has a moment alone with Becca, he confesses he didn’t give up on her, he didn’t try to kill himself, he merely screwed up – as always. When Karen hears that, she gives up on him all over again, and throws him out. The hurt and anger finally stirs him to rent a room, sit down, and start the script. Will he be able to become the man that Karen can love again? Will he get his life in some sort of order? Don’t get your hopes up too high...

Californication 4x02

Hank is out on bail for the second time in a week. Bunking on the Runkles’ couch wasn’t too comfortable. So he crept into bed next to Marcy. Hilarious! The old opening credits are back, though. Karen still doesn’t want to talk to him. His lawyer lady Abby admits she gets off on cases like his. Marcy has a little talk with Karen so Hank can finally see his daughter. But Becca isn’t so happy to see her father either. Having screwed up so bad he can’t fix his relationship with the two loves of his life, Hank is too depressed to think about the movie adaptation of his novel. Still, Charlie introduces him to Eddie Nero (Rob Lowe) who would like to play Hank in the movie. He puts on a compelling performance that charms Hank, though he hates him, and scares Charlie, though he loves him. Nero toasts to hard cocks and handsome man. Hank visits Sasha again in her room, but they’re interrupted by Nero. Hank returns to the Runkles, popping too many pills and drinking too much booze. He types a letter to Becca and passes out. He OD’ed.

Yes, I understand that Moody broke the law when he slept with Mia. But, seriously, Cricketeers, what’s the big deal? She set him up – twice! It’s not as if a guy is going to ask to see a girl’s ID when she looks twenty-five. Did you see her boobs? Mia did not look like a sixteen-year old. She seduced him, punched his lights out, stole his manuscript and published it under her own name. This is the show’s set up from the start. Of course, it didn’t make anything better that Mia was the daughter of Karen’s boyfriend. He should have come clean, though, rather than sticking his head in the sand and hoping it would all go away. His life has been unraveling ever since. Now Hank has reached the point of no return. His career is looking up. He’s recognized as the author of Mia’s novel and production is about to start on the story’s adaptation. But his personal life is in shambles. He’s lost the two loves of his life, Karen and Becca. Will things be different this season? Will he get his life back on track? Will he win back his daughter? Will Karen move on? And most of all, will the Mia situation finally blow over?

Californication 4x01

For X-Mas the Cricket got two leaked episodes of the new Californication season! Did you miss Hank Moody? Of course you did! We get all new opening credits with a new tune as well. Hank just got out of jail. His buddy Charlie has been instructed by his soon-to-be ex-wife Marcy not to bring Hank to the love of his life, Karen. She doesn’t want to see him. Word got out that the novel, Fucking and Punching, Mia stole from him and published under her own name was in fact written by him. When he finally gets home, Karen slams the door in his face. Hank and Charlie visit an attorney (Carla Gugino who plays Amanda Daniels on Entourage) and puts himself at her disposal. Then he has a run in with Sasha Bingham (hot newcomer Addison Timlin), who introduces herself as Mia and tells him she is definitely not going to sleep with him. Actually, she’s going to star in the movie adaptation of Hank’s novel – even showing her beautiful boobs to prove the point she has no qualms about gratuitous nudity. Charlie Runkle gets his old job back on the condition that Hank rewrites the script himself. After a long day, Charlie takes Hank to Sasha, so that they can talk about the script, and he can crash on her couch. She’s in shirt and panties in her hotel room. And as “Sympathy for the Devil” plays on the soundtrack, they have sex. While she’s atop of him, she practices the punch Mia gave him back in the beginning. Hank’s arraignment is the morning after. Good news is the assault charges have been dropped. The bad news? He’s accused of statutory rape.